Sammy Page: Shy Kids - Samuel Gultom

What is Shyness?

Outward Signs - One of the difficulties of being shy is that it is very often impossible to hide your shyness from other people. Signs of shyness include frequent trouble talking, stammering, stuttering, blushing, shaking, sweating hands.When these things start to happen, the shy person often becomes more upset and less able to deal with the current conversation or situation. Please keep in mind that these things happen to everyone sometimes. We all get nervous in new situations and then the more the nervousness is thought about, the more nervous we may become.

Inward Signs - Many shy people have both inward and outward signs of shyness. However some people can act confident on the outside, but feel miserable on the inside. While these people act very self-assured on the outside, inside they have a racing heart and almost constant thoughts on how the conversation is going, how they look, if the other people in the room like them, and how quickly they can leave the situation and return home.

source: shykids.com

Some children are naturally outgoing while others are more selective in their friendships. Most parents accept that. But how do you know if shyness is a problem for your child, and what are some strategies for overcoming shyness?

“Shyness is a combination of basic genetic makeup and your life experience,” says psychiatrist Andrew Harper, MD, associate professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at the University of Texas Medical School at Houston and medical director at the UT Harris County Psychiatric Center. “There are always going to be people who are less comfortable around new folks or less likely to initiate conversation.”

Overcoming Shyness

Dr. Harper says that he is concerned about shyness in a child if:

It is causing a problem for the child, such as preventing them from making friends.
There is reason to believe it is a sign of underlying anxiety or depression.

In those instances, you should probably seek professional medical help to understand the situation and develop coping strategies.

But otherwise, you and your child might be able to find ways to overcome shyness at home with the following tips:

Shift the focus. Talk about your shy child’s special strengths. Your child might not be a social butterfly but may be a great listener who is always there for friends. Take time to emphasize strengths that may be underappreciated.
Assess the shyness. Find out if the shyness appears to others to be something more negative, like snobbery, and come up with ways to address that misunderstanding.
Practice new situations. Help kids anticipate situations with new people — have your child practice strategies to use during these situations with you.
Plan conversations. Work together to come up with some ideas for things your child can talk to other children about.
Highlight body language. Encourage your child to make eye contact and smile when talking to people.
Rehearse overcoming shyness. Urge shy kids to write down what they want to say in a phone call, conversation, or presentation, and practice saying it out loud.
Join the club. Find groups that are doing things your child enjoys, such as sports, art, drama, or outdoors activities. Sharing a common interest will give your child a way to meet new people in a low-pressure environment.

It also helps just to let your child know that everyone feels a bit shy or awkward sometimes. “Acknowledge it a bit,” says Harper. “Everyone feels awkward in new situations, like a new school. It’s okay to feel a little bit awkward, but realize it’s likely to pass.”

Signs of Abnormal Shyness

Shyness can be part of a social anxiety disorder. Talk to a professional if your child’s shyness cannot be overcome and has any of the following qualities:

Physical symptoms, such as sweating, nausea, or shaking.
Forgetfulness during conversations and difficulty speaking around other people.
Intense fear of being watched or judged by others.
Fear of embarrassment that leads to avoidance of activities.

Keep in mind that some shyness and social anxiety may be permanently a part of your child’s brain chemistry. A study published in the online journal PLoS One showed that the brains of very anxious individuals may actually function differently from people who are less anxious and shy — and this brain chemistry does not change over time.

But remember that while anxiety and paralyzing shyness may need to be treated, garden-variety shyness is no cause for concern.

Source:EverydayHealth